Triggers all over the Place Today..

And there goes the 4th..

I just came back from the dotors and God... he weighed me!
I don´t want to know my weight!
It just totally triggered the sleeping ED thoughts. And oh they love it in my head.. They re having a huge party there right now.

I feel fat and sad. I don´t want to eat anymore and just go to bed and hide crying..
Why the f*** did he have to weigh me?
I don´t look too thin nor to fat. I do realize this, it´s just this damn number!

I am not too fat! I am OK. I don´t want it to influence me anymore. I have bad days when I feel too fat, but then there are all these days when I feel good about how I look. And a stupid number ruins that.
OK I will NOW stop paying attention to it. A number doesn´t decide whether I feel good or not! F*** it!