Relaxxxx....

I was/am? close to a panic attack this morning..
I just wanted to leave the house and as I closed the glass door outside I realized that the glass was broken and how easy it is to actually reach inside and unlock the door. Once in the 'garden' (it's more like a little jungle because C never really took care of it.. and he likes it like that) there is nothing stopping an inturder from entering the house, as the door is really easy to break open and there is a window that doesn't have a lock.

The glass of the outside door has been broken for a while, I actually never saw it being intact. But it was taped together.. which is not really being secure anyway.. but I felt better. Today I saw that the tape was loose. That's what made me realize how unsecure this house is. I mean there is another window on the other side of the house that doesn't really close too, but you would have to get to the back of the house over the roof to get to it. Which is not a big problem either.. Still I didn't worry that much.

I was already a few meters away from the house as I realized that I wouldn't be able to stop thinking and worrying about it. So I went back and taped the glass back together. Thinking that it's so not getting more secure.. That's when my panic attack wanted to start.. You know this feeling just before you burst out into anxiety and panic? That's where I was. I went to my room and started thinking about my things and then started hiding them around the room. Am I exaggerating? Possibly.. But I knew if I wouldn't do that I won't be leaving the house and well I do have class today.

God, I just want to go back to the house... I won't. And I won't have a panic attack anout it.. I hope. I'm still in the stage of just before one...
Breeeeaaathing...