I'm feeling better, no ANT's (Automatic Negative Toughts; thanks Katie, now I can put a name to it) since today in the morning. Ok, one irrational one.. I admit :). But that's it.
Physically I feel like crap, it's raining and my arthritis is bugging me (feeling sooo old as I write this..lol), but as I'm mentally better it's easier to cope with. On Wednesday I experienced the difference of feeling 'normal' sad and prestage depressive sad or low again. Don't get me wrong, I don't like being sad, but I love the fact that I can feel sad.
It was because I now know that I will be alone for Christmas and New Year's. I'm still sad about it but on Wednesday I let myself feel genuinely sad. I cried for a while when I was at home after work and let it all out. The difference between these two sadnesses is huge. I don't really know how to explain it.. it just hurts somewhere else and from the inside out and not just inside yourself bouncing around searching a way out without finding one. Then I accepted it and I'm ok now. I know when Christmas comes closer it will get harder but for now I'm ok. And as I'm out of this anxiety - ANT - struggle (for now.. hihi cautious me talking) I'm really OK.
Glad to see that I could help. I hate having ANT's......;)
ReplyDeletecool. I guess there is a good kind of sadness. Good to know.
ReplyDeleteI'll send you hugs for Christmas. Will that do?
ReplyDeleteI will be sure to pop by Christmas day while my mum and the dog are snoring xxx
ReplyDeleteJust a quick point about having a name for your "automatic negative thoughts"
ReplyDeleteIsn't interesting how putting a name or diagnosis on something makes it more "tangible"?
I have a friend who says: If you can see it, you can kill it.
It's great. Because it's true, even for something like this.