Meds and Nightmares

Thanks for your comments!
Yeah, reducing the Cipralex to the half was a lot.. still I'm glad I just needed a week to be OK again. I will keep on taking the 5mg for at least a week maybe two. Then I already thought about reducing it slower, first to 2,5mg and then stop taking them. It won't be easy to cut the pills, but I read that taking one every 2nd day is not a good idea as it has a short half-life in your system. So my body would be constantly on a Cipralex rollercoaster. I guess I will be sitting in the kitchen cutting the pills with a knife for a while.

Yes, no nightmares anymore.. Well actually I do still have a lot of dreams and I am sure that it's the same dreams, but what changed is me. I have a different attitude - ?.. Don't know if that's the word.. - towards them. I always woke up drained and with a really bad feeling. I thought all that was because I felt sad and scared during the dreams or that the anger was just too much to process for me. But by now I have another theory.

Before my nightmares stopped I had this eye-opening session with A. She made me see how I am and was actually punishing myself about feeling anger and she helped me admit that I have a lot of hate in me. I punished myself for feeling that hate because my parents were like that all the time and that was exactly how I didn't want to be or become. But hate and anger is nothing bad - at least this kind of anger and hate. I am not like them just because I feel what I feel.

So, the bad feeling after the dream was me feeling guilty about what I was doing in the dream. How I behaved. In my dreams I got really angry at my parents and then I let my anger out, screaming, hitting.. and so on. That should have relieved me, because it was something I was never able to do in reality. But instead it made me feel guilty. It was like being trapped in a vicious circle. I have a lot of anger and hate inside of me but every time I let it out I felt guilty about it, what didn't give me any sort of relieve.

Now I even have dreams about the past where instead of being scared and angry I actually enjoy situations. I for example dreamed about school and I had a lot of fun in that dream. Last night I screamed at my grandfather and at my mother and even hit their heads against each other. (I can't go into deatails, I am between two classes and only have 2 minutes left..) And I woke up feeling OK. Not guilty, scared or anything like that, I just woke up.

Alright so this is it for today. Have a nice weekend everybody!
If any of you have experience with reducing and stopping to take medication, please share it. I think it's something that is not talked about enough. I for example had no idea there would be something like withdrawal symptoms.