And there is more... Yesterday in the night I hit my big toe against one of the stone steps in front of the house. It was a mix of being clumsy, wearing flip flops, it being dark and me forgetting that there are actually 4 and not 3 steps there. It still hurts today so I think I have a contusion. I can move the toe but it hurts like hell and I can't put any weight on it. So I am limping through the day. I won't go to the doctor because well he can't do anything about it anyway.
Apart from that I feel OK today. I do have A.N.T's, they are coming on a daily basis lately. And they are hard to get rid of... I really wish I wouldn't have them. But as there is no fairy in sight I can't just wish them away. However I do find myself wishing for that a lot lately. I hate my PTSD and everything involved. I only want to forget about it and be distracted all the time. That is one of my big issues right now that I seek unlimited distraction.
However, I know that the PTSD is a part of my life for now and I have to deal with it. I'm trying. (That must be the one sentence that I write the most in the last posts..:))
I stopped presuring myself about starting therapy here. I will search a therapist when I feel up for it.
Please take good care of yourself. I know you need to be ready for therapy. MY trauma, depression and all the symptoms along the road I managed to see as treasures. Treasures because they showed me where to look and where to work. Hope toe is doing ok!
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