A Locked Door

Last night I had a bad nightmare. Again it wasn't what I dreamed but how scared I got during the dream and afterwards.

Since a few months I am locking the door of my room during the night. Not because I am scared of someone coming in during the night in reality but because of my nightmares. I was having a lot of dreams about someone of my family coming into my room while I was sleeping or awake. After this dreams I was always so scared that eventhough I knew I was far away from them and there was no way they could possibly come into my room, I had to lock my door to calm down.

Since I started locking my door I don't dream of someone coming into my room anymore. I dream of someone (either my parents or my sister) trying to come into my room but it is always locked in my dreams. It is locked because I really lock it. I still get scared but I calm down a lot faster and the anxiety is different because I am just scared of them being outside trying to get in and not of them hurting me anymore.

This time it was my father I dreamed of. I was sleeping and he came home late and he was drunk (what never happened in reality). He started screaming at my mother telling her that I was not at home and that if I was at home now, I surely was out doing something bad before. He accused me indirectly by screaming at my mother. He did that a lot in reality, that was his way of accusing me of things I did not do, calling me names while screaming at my mother.
In the dream he then tried to enter my room, still furious and cursing but my door was locked. In that moment I woke up in the dream and tried to ask what was going on but I had no voice. I wanted to scream but had no voice. Then I felt that I was too tired to wake up. I tried to stay awake but it was almost impossible. Then it was as if I was forcing myself to really wake up but still hearing my father screaming and trying to open the door. Then I woke up. I had to go to the bathroom but I was too scared to go for a minute. The dream was so intense that I carefully opened the door and looked if it was save to go outside.

I'm still a bit tired and I guess I will have a little nap later.. but first I'll have to go to the dentists. :(