Something's moving

My dreams changed again while I was in Spain. A few nights ago and also two nights ago I dreamed of the feeling of being depressive. I can't remember how the dreams started or if they actually had a beginning.

In the first dream I was in a familiar place, I didn't recognize where exactly that was but I felt that somehow I lived where I was. I had this depressive feeling inside of me. It was so realistic, there was absolutely no difference to the feeling of depression when it hits me during the day. It was so strong that I got to the point that I was trying to reach out to someone. I couldn't bare it anymore. I couldn't be alone with it anymore. In that dream I was in the present. I realised that because I had the urge to call C. At first I didn't. I tried to distract myself with my daily routine. I went to a dancing course where I met a friend and talked to that friend for a while. But it didn't distract me. I still had that feeling inside of me waving. So I went outside telling my friend I would be right back, to call C. I called him and he was there I said that I'm sorry that I'm calling that early (time difference) but I was really bad and I needed him. He told me that I could call him any time and that he is there for me. I asked him if we could talk via skype but then remembered he hadn't any internet at his house. I got frustrated at that moment and the fact that we can't talk that often is actually something that does frustrate me from time to time. Then I woke up bathed sweat, like I always am when the emotions in the dream are very realistic. I felt exhausted and it took me a time to let it go.
It wasn't a bad dream. I wouldn't call it a nightmare.. The bad thing about the dream for me was the feelings that were so realistic, as if it was real. And it was kind of scary I can't explain why but I felt also scared and shaken for a few hours. Thinking about it.. isn't that a perfect description of a nightmare?

The second dream I had about depression was different. I'm not sure if that was the present or not. I was at my apartment but it seemed that my sister was living with me. In the dream I woke up and there was depression. This time there was nothing to distract me, or I didn't try to search something that would distract me? Maybe because I wasn't alone? Anyway, whenever my sister left the room I didn't like it. When she didn't come back immediately I got nervous, panic?.. I went out of the room to look where she was trying to talk to her without having a topic to talk about. I just didn't want to be alone. She was cleaning the bathroom and I kept on checking on how long it still would take. But when she was finished her boyfriend (no idea where I got that from, never actually met her current one) came in and I knew I should leave them alone. So I went back to my room, still feeling depression being really strong. I felt powerless and helpless. This time I didn't need a long time to let go of the dream, maybe because I woke up and then just kept on sleeping.

Maybe the first dream was just something so new to me that I was surprised, shacken and it kind of took me off guard. It must be something good that my dreams keep on developing. It's not getting better or something like that, it's developing. From the passive panic, disgust, agression and anger I felt before in my dreams to confronting my parents showing my agression and anger towards them.. To forgiving my father in the dream..And now to the actual feeling of depression and the way I dealt and I'm trying to deal with.

I don't know if the dreams are there to only show my development or my inner state. Or the dreams as such are me working on myself during the night. Not that this is very important to know.. what counts is that something is moving in there. That is what keeps me going. :)