How am I?

Good question.. I'm back at work today. Not sure how I feel..
Depression is knocking at the door and I feel lonely. I miss C. and when I think about him depression is trying to kick in the door and I'm not far from crying and giving in. Yesterday I couldn't help but crying while talking to C, of course without telling him. I know it is not only because I miss him, it's also getting used to the daily fight again.
I wish I wouldn't have to fight but I know that in order to get to that point I will have to keep fighting for a while.
It is hard right now, I can feel it being so strong.. wanting to break out. Like a tiger in a cage agressively attacking the bars..

I'll have to call D's assistant now to tell him how I feel with the new medication..- done. I did have some stomach problems during the last days but I already feel a lot better. Mood wise I didn't feel the change..

So what to do with that tiger? Stop feeding it so it gets smaller? What does it eat anyway?.. Or tame it? That it becomes a cute little cuddly cat?
.....

I don't know if this is a good day or a bad one. On one hand I'm glad to be back in the routine and on the other hand I would like to just break out of the routine and hide somewhere, not facing the abyss inside of me. But if I don't face it I'll fall in it. -- Come on girl, you're doing good. Just hang in there..