A Manual To Keep Track

Now I've got some time..
During the last days I was busy and having also a very busy mind about something I will be discussing on my other blog. I know this might seem a bit weird but it just feels better like that.

I was also trying to work on my PTSD with a manual I got from Paula (thanks :D). It's a manual from The Morris Center called From Surviver to Thriver. It has a 21 step program and also helps you to estimate if and how you were abused. Practically it helps you have a 'recovery plan'. As far as it is possible to have a plan.
I went through the introduction and the questionaries. Then I read throught the 21-step program and I found out that I am kind of all over the place.. not in a bad way.. I am in about 5 steps at the moment. Because it is impossible to take one step at a time as memories and insights come to you as they please. So while you are still processing and grieving the one, another one is already knocking at your door.

Anyway it does give you suggestions what to write about and how to document your journey. It suggests to write down the date you decided to get help and admit that you were abused. It also suggests you to write down the circumstances in which you were in at that moment.. and so on. I bought a notebook where I am writing everything down. Plus I started drawing. The manual suggests drawing pictures of you and your family, of the abuse and so on.
I was never good in drawing but I wanted to try it. So I will include the pictures I drew in this post. I don't know if it is a great manual, but I think it will help me to be more conscience of my recovery and my feelings. Plus the diary I am writing will show the process and help me to know what to do when I forget how to take care of myself. (That's also something it suggests to write down..)

So here are my drawings..

   This was the first drawing I did. I wanted to draw myslef as a child and this is all I could think of..

Then I wanted to go back to where it all began, so I drew the apartment we were living in until I was 7 years old.. 

This is a picture of my sister and me. That's how my nights looked like.. I was crying and she was up there sleeping like a baby..